I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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