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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"

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• (310): View more from California

  Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice

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• (347): View more from New York

  apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..

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• (914): View more from New York

  friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  WHY AM I NOT THERE?

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.

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• (551): View more from New Jersey

  I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.

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• (254): View more from Texas

  All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.

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