I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Terrible idea I love it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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