i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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