I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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