I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
