I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
