In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize