you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the day after is always just damage control
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
