Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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