Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
