Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
