People in love make me want to vomit
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
