I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
