need another drink. this is the easiest way
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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