she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
