if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
