Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
