Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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