I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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