i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
