Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wear drunk well.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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