I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
