what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
