you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize