I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
