I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
