my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
