Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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