Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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