I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
