it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
