...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
