Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
