I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
