I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
