SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
