who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize