maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
