You smell like stripper and shame
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
