just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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