Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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