remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
