thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize