why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
