I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
