you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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