dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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