i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
