I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I could fuck to npr.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
