Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
