just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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