What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
