I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
