So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
