Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
