Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize