She's JV to your varsity
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
