She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
