You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
