If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
