There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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