I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
