it wasn't lemon gatorade
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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