A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dignity is for republicans.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
