you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
