Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
