now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
