did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
