I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
