At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
