ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
