If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
