Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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