Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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