That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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