Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize