Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
