tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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