i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
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