whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
