I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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