If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
