I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
