So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
As shirtless as possible
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
