Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
