where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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