You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
