I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Boobs speak an international language.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
there is glitter all over my balls
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
