alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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