your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
