I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize