So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
