words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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