You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize