walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
