You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
MIDGETS
????
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
