dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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