Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
