Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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