He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
