We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
