Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
