if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
