Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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