You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
