There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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