Your mouth is God's brothel.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you will always have a special place in my vag
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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