You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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