My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
