i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
