please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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