piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
