benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
